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Tattletail: The Kaleidoscope
(After the intro, we cut to the G-man where he was where the last review left off; the G-man talking on the phone with the FanFic Critic. During the call, it cuts between them) G-man: Seriously, what’s “The Kaleidoscope”? FFC: You haven’t heard? It’s the DLC for Tattletail. G-man: What?! There’s a DLC? Since when? FFC: It’s been out for a while now. I’m surprised that you haven’t heard about it up to this point! G-man: So, if I review this DLC, you’ll get off my back? FFC: Uh-huh! Review it, and you’ll be off the hook! G-man: Alright, let’s do this! (He hangs up and opens his mouth to speak again, but is interrupted by a knock at his door) Yes, come in. (The door opens to reveal the Cinema Snob) CS: Hey, so, am I done here, or…? G-man: Oh, yeah, you can go home. CS: Thanks, because there’s this Furby-looking thing in your living room, and he’s more annoying than the Oogieloves. G-man (Laughing): You had to watch the Oogieloves? CS: It wasn’t easy! Anyway, here. (The CS throws Tattletail into the G-man’s room and closes the door) Tattletail: Me dizzy! G-man: Good for you. (He turns his attention to the camera) Well, without further ado, here’s the Tattletail DLC, the Kaleidoscope. (Cut to the opening of the game) G-man (V.O): We open with the kid from the main game on Christmas morning. We go to the living room to find a singular present. Inside is… (Tattletail appears) Well, who else? Tattletail (Nonchalantly): It’s me, Tattletail. I’m fun. (Cut back to the G-man looking surprised with Tattletail on his desk) G-man (To Tattletail): Were you on drugs or something? Tattletail: Tattletail don’t remember! (The G-man facepalms before we cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): What the hell happened to Tattletail? I’m not saying I like the other one better, its just that this one sounds like an unenthusiastic decoy! Anyway, after we do some shit with him, we get a note from someone anonymous. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: I’m serious! We never find out who sends the note, or any other note in this DLC for that matter! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): SO, the note sends us back in time… (Cut back to the G-man briefly) I’m not even going to bother. (Cut back to the game) And we see… (Mama Tattletail appears) Mother of all hell! (Cut back to the G-man pulling out his Lego gun) G-man: Stay back, you son of a-! (Cut back to the game) Mama: All’s well that ends well! (Cut back to the G-man lowering his Lego gun) G-man: Wait, why is she nice suddenly? We have a normal Tattletail, and a nice Mama. What the hell is going on here?! (Cut back to the game. Another note is picked up) Note: This is DEFINITELY wrong. Mama Tattletail wasn’t nice. She was banned… Right? Okay, don’t panic. Your memories are just mixed up. G-man (V.O sarcastically): Oh, yeah! Mixed up memories! That makes total sense! (In normal tone) So, we go back another night, and we find… (A yellow Tattletail is huddled up next to Mama. Crying) Yellow Tattletail: Waaah! My egg is gone! Mama: Don’t cry, Butternut! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Wow, that’s… Depressing! (Cut back to the game. A light blue Tattletail is next to a yellow egg) LB Tattletail: I stole the egg! G-man (V.O): You! (Cut back to the G-man) You egg thief! Time for you to pay for your crimes! (He raises the Rift Blade. His next line is in a deep voice) I’ll avenge thee, Butternut! (Cut back to the game. Another note appears) Note: Uh oh. Your memories are becoming weirdly, um… Cute. Look, memories are like VHS tapes. Every time you play them, they get a little fuzzier. Worse yet, with the right trigger, someone can record over them. I think somebody recorded over Christmas 1998. G-man (V.O in normal voice): And do we ever find out who did it? (A red X appears briefly with a buzzer sound effect playing over it) Of course. On top of that, what does that mean? (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Why are memories like VHS tapes? Are they talking about the Mandela Effect? (Cut back to the game. We’re on December 22nd) Tattletail: Please, wake up. Please, wake up. G-man (V.O): Wow, Tattletail using manners while boring? That’s got to be a first! So, we go to the basement to find- Tattletail: Let’s tell a joke. Knock, knock. (During the joke, it cuts between the game and the G-man) G-man: Uh… Who’s there? Tattletail: Banana. G-man: Banana who? Tattletail: Bananas are a good source of potassium. (The G-man bangs his head on his desk three times before we cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): As I was saying: We go down the basement to find Mama. Whom we turn off. (The flashlight goes out) Shit! Bad idea! Bad idea! (Cut to Mama and the other Tattletails) Mama: Here are your eggs, children! Yellow Tattletail: Oh boy! I love my egg! LB Tattletail (Sobbing): I broke it! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Aha! The motive has been found! Lock him up, boys! (Cut to a still-frame of the light blue Tattletail. Jail cell bars slowly drop down on top of the picture before we cut back to the actual game) Note: Okay, this is all wrong. Someone has tampered with this memory, too. There is a place you can find what’s changing your memory, but it’s really dangerous. It’s called the Kaleidoscope. (The words “The Kaleidoscope” are glowing. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Wow! Apparently, the Kaleidoscope is so impressive, that even it’s title is in a special font! Imagine if someone was narrating this! It would sound cool as hell! (Cut back to the game. The G-man is narrating over the note) G-man (V.O reading the note): There is a place you can find what’s changing your memory, but it’s really dangerous. It’s called (In deep, echo-y voice) the Kaleidoscope. (In normal voice) So, we go back another night, and we find… (Cut to a shaking washing machine with Tattletail next to it) Oh god, what could be in here? Holy shit, we’re gonna-! (It turns out to be a pile of laundry) Tattletail: Wash your clothes before drying! (Cut back to the G-man banging his head on his desk for a brief moment before we cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Anyway, we grab Tattletail and we find… (Cut to Mama and the Tattletails in front of a cracked vase with band-aids all over it) Yellow Tattletail: We fixed it! LB Tattletail: Me helped, too! Mama: Thank you! You’ll get treats tomorrow! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Really? You call (Cut back to the vase briefly) THAT “Fixed”? (Cut back to the G-man) You know who else would call that “Fixed”? Peewee Herman! (Cut back to the game. Another note appears) Note: Oh boy… We have one last chance to get things right. If Tattletail still isn’t normal on December 20th, you may have to use… The Kaleidoscope. G-man (V.O): I would’ve suggested using Wikihow, but that works too! Anyway, we go to the basement on December 20th to unwrap Tattletail, and… Tattletail (Nonchalantly): It’s me, Tattletail. I’m fun! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Oh well! He’s boring forever! Goodnight, everybody! (The sound of an audience applauding is heard as we fade to black. The text “Directed by the G-man” pops up as the theme song for Full House plays for a few seconds before we suddenly cut back to the G-man) G-man: Nah, I’m kidding! There’s still more of this shit! (Cut back to the game. Another note appears) Note: Okay, here are your options: You can go through that door and visit the Kaleidoscope. You might find whatever changed your memories and bring back what really happened Christmas 1998. Or you can go to bed and your memory of Tattletail will be boring forever. G-man (V.O): And guess what. If you pick that latter option, that counts as an ending to the expansion! But since you guys want to see me scared I’m going through the door. Where we find- Tattletail: Stairs can go up, or down. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Um… Thanks? (Cut back to the game. We’re at the entrance to the Kaleidoscope) G-man (V.O): What the fuck…? What is that?! (Cut to inside of the Kaleidoscope. It vaguely resembles the house from before) Oookaaay… (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: So, the Kaleidoscope is just our home on drugs? Seriously, what the hell is going on?! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Anyway, we eventually find a VHS floating in midair… (Cut back to the G-man briefly) Because I’m tired and I’ve stopped questioning things at this point… (Cut back to the game) And after we watch its contents, we have the big moment of truth: Will Tattletail be normal again? Tattletail: Me love playtime with you! (The Halleluiah chorus plays as we cut back to the G-man with Tattletail on his desk) G-man: He has returned! Oh, what a joyous day it is! Tattletail: Brush me! (The G-man sighs and strokes the top of his head) G-man: Why was I so excided again? (Cut back to the game) Tattletail: Let’s tell a joke! Knock, knock! (During the joke, it cuts between the game, and the G-man) G-man (Under his breath): Not again… (Out loud) Who’s there? Tattletail: Orange! G-man: Oh! It’s orange this time! Orange who? (Cut back to the game. The screen goes black and Mama pops up with red eyes) Mama: ORANGE YOU FORGETTING SOMEONE? (Cut back to the G-man screaming and falling out of his chair. After a while, he gets back up) G-man: I knew I was going to do that in this episode! I fucking knew it! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Anyway, now we have to leave the Kaleidoscope while avoiding Mama. Thank Christ, because- Mama: Don’t leave me! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Wow, that’s… Actually depressing! (The camera slowly zooms in on the G-man) I mean, think about it; all she wants is to be loved. This may be the point where you actually feel bad for the monster! And you know what? Maybe she deserves a second chance. Maybe she CAN change! Maybe… Maybe… (The camera reverts back to its original position) Nah, fuck that! I’m not falling for it! (The G-man crosses his arms as a pair of sunglasses appear over his eyes while the song Damn It Feels Good to be a Gangster plays in the background. After a few seconds of this, we cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): So, now we’re back on square one. We get one more note from the anonymous sender, and that’s- Tattletail: Let’s tell a joke! Knock, knock! (During the joke, it cuts between the game, and the G-man) G-man: Oh, for the love of… Who’s there? Tattletail: Me. G-man: Me who? (Cut back to the game. The camera slowly zooms in on Tattletail before the screen goes black except for a circle with Tattletail in it) Tattletail: Me love you! (A laugh track is heard as we cut to a card with Tattletail on it next to light blue text reading “Oh, that Tattletail!”) G-man (V.O): Oh, that Tattletail will be right back after these messages! (The card fades to black before we cut back to the G-man) G-man: And that was the Kaleidoscope! And boy, do I-! (The sound of his phone ringing is heard) Who could that be? (He picks it up and answers it) Hello? (The caller turns out to be the FanFic Critic. During the call, it cuts between the them) FFC: Hey, it’s the FanFic Critic. G-man: Oh, it’s you. What now? FFC: Have you finished the review yet? G-man: Actually, I just finished! FFC: Wait, really? G-man: Uh-huh! FFC: Huh! I guess I got my revenge! Bye! (The FFC hangs up as we cut back to the G-man) G-man: Wait! Ugh! Damnit! (He puts his phone down) Alright, there’s got to be a way to get my revenge as well… Think, G-man, think! (A cartoony lightbulb appears over his head as he grins mischievously) I’ve got it! (Cut to a time card reading “Two weeks later”. Then cut to the FFC writing something on her computer when her cousin Susan walks in with a package) Susan: Hey, uh… There’s a package for you. FFC: Who’s it from? Susan: I don’t know. There’s no return address. FFC: Well, just set it on the bed and I’ll get to it later. (Susan does so and walks out of the room. The FFC grabs a boxcutter and cuts the tape off. She opens it up to reveal…) Tattletail: Me Tattletail! Me love you! (Cut to the G-man on his phone where the FFC is heard screaming. When she stops, he smiles) G-man: Ah, the sweet sound of victory! (He turns his attention to the camera) Well, I am the G-man, and that’s all you need to know about that! Peace! Category:Episode